Dear Annie: buddy keeps heading back to get more

Dear Annie: Recently, a friend that is old right straight back in contact with me personally. He previously gotten a divorce or separation, and I also wished to be described as buddy to him because he had been going right through a lot of grieving. Their ex-wife had liquor problems and ended up being abusing her bipolar medicine. She additionally, just before their wedding dropping aside, got gastric bypass surgery and, following the procedure, started having extramarital affairs. Day he caught them and found out who one of them was one.

The problem stumbled on head whenever she came home drunk and scarcely could talk.

there is a fight that is big in which he put her in rehab. This resulted in their divorce proceedings. Then, whenever she got down, she seemed up an old boyfriend and went to call home with him. Whenever that relationship dropped aside, she returned house to her moms and dads, and then begin dating some guy she met in Alcoholics Anonymous. They quickly married, and therefore marriage just lasted a 12 months and per month.

1 day, we saw on social media marketing that my buddy had been just starting to keep in touch with his ex once again, and before we knew it, he had been back in her own life. I became surprised he hated her because we had talked at great length about everything and how. Much more upsetting is the fact that, through the right time we had been speaking, my buddy had to carry on dialysis for renal failure. I thought without a doubt that, if such a thing, he’d elect to go closer to their family members in nj, but rather, he has got relocated in together with his ex-mother-in-law, and their ex-wife lives there.

He claims he could be considering saving cash to there make a life. I truly don’t know very well what to trust. She stated she unintentionally read certainly one of my texts to him — yeah, appropriate; wasn’t born yesterday — and that their relationship now’s about kindness and forgiveness. She lies about every thing on social media marketing. She covers dying to be slim and loves to create a spectacle of her weight that is lost and she lost way too much, then again will publish other photos saying she appears best for 55. She states she’s for ages been a mother that is good but she went available for the very last 5 years without getting most of a mom.

My pal claims he won’t keep Florida because their guys live there.

These are generally like 31, 29 and 27 — big men whom undoubtedly usually takes proper care of by themselves. I recently will be in such surprise over all this that I experienced to go out of the friendship. It just seems too codependent on his behalf, and this woman is notably of a narcissist. She lives for attention yet does not have opinion that is good of. She lies concerning the truth, but that may be section of her infection — who knows? Do you consider this is certainly normal, and exactly how can you have handled this if it was your buddy? — Simply Don’t Have It

Dear simply Don’t have it: “Normal” is defined in the dictionary as conforming up to a normal standard. No, this is simply not normal behavior, but i take advantage of that word with caution. He demonstrably really loves their ex-wife and it is having a time that is difficult her get. Then i’m not here to judge his decision as not normal, and you shouldn’t be either if she really has changed and is sober, if they have gone to marriage counseling and he has forgiven her. In reality, We commend him. The illness of alcoholism can destroy families and cause a variety of terrible behavior. He was trying to one to be a buddy as he had been coping with a hard time.

We additionally respect their decision to desire to be close to their adult young ones. Although they are grown and will care for by themselves, that does not suggest he can’t be near to them as buddies now. At myself and see why I judged him and his ex-wife so harshly if I were you, I might take a look.

Leave a Comment